Broken Dreams_Part 1

Broken Dreams_Part 1
First of all, I would love to be friends with you and I would love to support you and be there for you when you need someone to talk to. You could even call me as long as you understand that I am not online to date and that I am over 100% gay. I love talking to guys because we can relate to women and most guys talk about music, the women I have come accross don't. Most women listen to a song a guy likes just to see where their mind is. And I just hate it when a guy keeps flirting with me, complimenting me. Second of all, that is me in the picture & picture's on photobucket & Blingee. I am more than a pretty face. My body is all jacked up, too (smiling) and I know that although I am a big girl, people are shallow. I am condfident, so I know that my looks get me more attention so, I use it to my advantage. My blingee account has information about electronic harrassment & mind control but, I use that site because I am a child at heart and I love coloring but, cannot draw. I also have quotes and songs that heale me while I was clueless and knew nothing about these projects or electronic harrassment. Its funny because most of the women at The Galt House & Kool Smiles made fun of me because I colored. I even colored picture's for them with their name or I colored in a color book (on both jobs) and they poked fun at me. I used to be the funny peron who had a sense of humor and some women or most of them either loved or hated my sense of humor but, I was the class clown, the funny person with a soft, romantic side; the one my friend's always called for advice and I would listen to them for hours if they needed me. I enjoyed reading your email although you confused me a little. I understand because (WARNING) I talk alot and my thoughts and words go from one subject to the other. What I did understand though is that you are a victim of voice to skull, gangstalking and harrassment.... I know how you feel when you say "I just want to go back to the way I was". Although I know what's happening to me, I feel so weird and out of place in this world. I look at people walking down the street and I wonder who they are, I make up their life story and imagine they are going to a club, party on a Friday night or something fun. I see young women, younger than me driving a car (and I don't know how to drive) so, I feel silly or like I have no life or that my life will never be fun. The worst part is that I haven't really experience life the way most people have, even girl's younger than me and I feel like my life will never be the same. My life was so boring before and my whole life, I always felt like I would get older and meet someone and then we'd be "happily Ever After" and now, it's like, not only will I not have my dream but, I miss my old boring and lonely life I had before. I feel like I will never be the same. I sit in my living room now and I imagine so many things. "The Shadow Government" or an Invincible Man with an invincible penis and I imagine that the assualt is really a person or persons in my home with me and I can't see them. I feel like I will always feel this way and I feel like that guy in the movie Russell Crow played in. I think it's called The Professor...I don't know but, he's a teacher and realizes that the people he imagined are only his imagination and he has to live with overcome a mental problem every day of his life. Music heals my soul more than anything. I love God but, this has all made me feel distant from God. I want God to take control and stop the perp's from assaulting me daily. This has ruined every single relationship I've had my entire life. Every single one from my friend's to my family. My mom and I are falling apart and it hurts me because my family believes me but, they aren't angry, they want me to shut up and my mom cut the internet off so, I can't hear music I want to hear, which makes mind control so much harder. I can't get online and check emails right away nor can I comfort people and that's what helps me the most. Talking to people like you and giving advice, giving people support....I feel like my mom just brought me in this world based on love and her love wasn't good enough nor can it protect me or even try to protect me. She makes me angry with women today who have babies on welfare and are not educated about what's going on in the world. Most mother's don't even know how to give their child legal advice and with all the changes being made in this world, it's suicide to have a child because they may not make it. From the violation of right's to what's in our food and on t.v. People can't trust their family doctor's anymore. It hurts and the scarey part for me is the strain its put on our relationship and how I need to be with her now but, I am afraid of being (physically) raped (again). When I lived alone, before I knew any better and my body was heated, I would take all my clothes off at night while in bed sleep (giving perp's "easy access" to my body) and there was a time I woke up and felt like I had been stabbed in the back, emailed my friend telling her so and I told my mom that day that "I felt like I was you see anything" but that morning, I went to the bathroom and felt all this mess fall out of my body and it was so much, I looked in the tiolet and saw it floating there and it creeped me out but, I told myself not to drive myself crazy. I was still working for Kool Smiles, too. But, to give myself peace of mind, I try to think to myself "God, if I were raped and drugged like so many other women have been, than I am glad that I didn't call the police and freak out then because my mom would tell me that I am paranoid because of the women at Kool Smiles and I would hate her more because she wouldn't believe me". I try to see the positive in every bad thing. I try to give myself peace of mind and I have my channel so when I am assaulted, I feel like "well, maybe I am getting more views and they feel like I am a threat". I feel bad for the victim's who just sit up and bare this assault because if I didn't have my channel, I'd feel defeated. Like, I would have a victim mentality. And although I know that I can't trust anyone online and I know that maybe half of the people on my list don't notice my channel or they are bad people with ill intentions, I would have more of a victim mentality if I didn't have my channel (which can be deleted but, that won't stop me).
criado por: aliceiris711

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